In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

   - shing xiong -

well, a bridesmaid who wore costume cinderella

Yesterday when I was attending a party, wedding party.
And it takes 5 hours to get there because it is located in Central Java.

All people and all my family told me to be a bridesmaid and I felt "okay why not? I would gladly be happy and I would be like in a royal concubine" and everyone laughed also my Dad.

Promptly at 8 pm Mom came to my room she gave a long dress like that cinderella had but pink collour 
and i like it.
"wow this is cool, Mom" and she wanted me to wear it tomorrow.
"You will be cinderella, not bridesmaid"
and I just only says "well, a bridesmaid who wore costume cinderella"

And when the sun rises from the sky. I feel the crisp morning breeze and fresh in my eyes.
I have never felt this in my city, Bandung. 
This is my mother's hometown. 

And i hear people busy with preparing for the wedding ceremony will begin at 11am 

I left the room and look for bridal room and wow I peek behind the curtain of white translucent transparent "she's really beautiful" I went into her room and she smiled. I told her she was so beautiful. 
me: you're really pretty I'm so jealous, are you happy? 
she: I am happy, very happy. One day you will feel it. Dont worry. 

Then she took my hand with softly.

There is something that makes my heart cry that time, I was sad. I was really sad. I want to be a bride. not just a bridesmaid. Only god know my feeling at that time.

I left the room and the bride prepares to escort the bride and a bridesmaid .

And the time came that awaited bridegroom time to see how beautiful the bride. Oh god this beautiful. And I was wearing a dress cinderella given mama last night.
And I feel happy and sad mixed.
I honestly cry. but on bottom of my heart and once again I have to say "I want to be a bride"

And that's when my grandmother came and she stood next to me and she asked me a question that I dont like in my life. I really hate that question.
She said "hey gurl, when are you getting married?"
Hmmm with calm and relaxed i says "SOON!!"

Then i walked away.

quote of the day

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” 

- Steve Jobs -

I'm the Queen and lost in the darkness swallow

The Thunder Gods play for her the music moves the stars .

They play on drums stretched taut with skin and astral guitars.

Beyond the blackened trees of barb wire  and razor branch

that catches  and tears at tender flesh causing it to blanche.

Through the mists of tattooed memories and rendered flesh and bone.

Sits the Dark Queen and her King upon a raven feathered throne.

She whispers to my nightmares and lulls my waking fears.

She calls to light the fires of the abyss and quells them with dragon tears.

The dead walk to honor her  with rose and lily shrouds

While in her hand is the great and secret show  that exists beyond the clouds.

  

                                                                                                            

 

                                                                                                                                                                           

 

YOU JUST CAN CALL ME, EVE ..

Today  i spent time with my sister and as usual we love photograph :) 

Annabel Lee - Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
 In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we
Of many far wiser than we
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee

 

 

Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date

I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.

And have you ever felt completely alone in this life? Oh God almighty, I'm feeling it tonight

I was alone, I was lonely, I was cold alone

I fell into the deepest abyss.

I fear.

I hate situations like this.

I just wanted to go up to the mountain top and scream "I need somebody"

When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.

Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.

I've never been lonely. I've been in a room. I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness.  You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Tuesday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!


The pain of being alone is completely out of this world, isn't it? I don't know why, but I understand my feelings so much, it actually hurts. 


I feel like a lone firefly in glass aquarium

I'm tired.
I need someone bamboozling me. Stroked my hair with love and affection, kissed my forehead before I fall asleep. I need you.

Hey!! please  take me out from this  glass aquarium..

Sepi yang membawa awan-awan itu,juga wajahmu..

WHAT I'M COOKING FOR TODAY ?

  What I'm cooking for today? I really feel very lazy today hmmm maybe because this Sunday I'm supposed to sleep, hehe but I think I have to get up from my bed and cooking. This is mustard mixed vegetable dishes taufu, maybe it was like capcai. Its very simple to make it.